The constant struggle of an over thinker

I love you and I’m so afraid 

It’s like a darkness constantly creeping in 

A haze, that gets thicker and thicker

Until all I can see is the worry 

All that is there is the blind panic 

That I’ll say something wrong and make you mad 

That I’ll ask you if we’re okay one too many times 

Till you’re annoyed and you’ve had enough 

I’m terrified, that maybe they were right 

Maybe my inner voice is right 

I’m too difficult to love 

I mess up too much 

I’m too complicated 

And needy 

And overwhelming

And you’re going to finally feel it

And leave. 

I’m afraid to ask for reassurance, 

I don’t want to be annoying, 

so I don’t.

And the fear grows.

But you see, it’s a cycle where

Neither choice has a positive outcome. 

So round and round I go on this nightmare of a ride 

But somewhere deep,

In the center of my guarded heart, 

There’s this frightful sliver of hope that maybe you could 

Potentially 

Love me enough to never feel that way. 

To never give up, 

Or call it quits. 

But I’m also petrified because - 

I don’t know how to tell if you love me that much 

I don’t even know if it’s possible to love me that much. 

After all, I’m too hard to love.