Maybe Someday

This is part of a poem - the beginning is a little too personal to share but I love the feeling at the end, so here it is:

I hope that when I looked away,

deep down you understood. 

I couldn't share it with you yet

but know someday I could.

Because if Patience had a voice

she'd say to me, "Don't fret.

He's still looking at you with a smile. 

He hasn't left you yet."

And Time would chime in -

"Trust is something only I can give."

Hope would whisper softly,

"The past isn't something you'll relive."

And Love would say to me,

"Be still, I know your heart's got holes.

But only I can stitch together

two lonely, longing souls."

      -jainedoe

#1

Enough?

The Ultimate Deception

When I cry alone in bed each night
I think back on those secrets shared.
I knew together we were right
because his words showed that he cared.

He whispered soft and safe the things
I never thought I'd hear.
"I'll protect your heart" he sings,
So sweetly in my ear.

And so, despite my fear and doubt
I fall - hard and fast.
For that's what love is all about
and he promised it would last.

Family - he wanted it with me!
He wove the tale so well
that my trusting eyes didn't see
I wasn't bound for heaven but hell.

I fell, I broke, I died inside
I don't see me in my reflection.
I could say it's your fault - you lied.
But really, I believed the ultimate deception.


      -jainedoe

The Tears I Cry for You

A man I thought meant what he said
who turned out to be a liar instead.
Who knew what was right and what was wrong,
and kept me in the dark so long
about his true identity;
and when he finally set me free
I cried the tears I'd kept inside.
The tears I cry for you.

From the war I fought to keep you mine.
The things I did to earn your time.
From all the things I heard you say,
that kept me going through the day.
The way you seemed to be the guy
who'd hold me when I had to cry,
the tears I cry for you.

From all the times I trusted you
that you just used to hurt and bruise.
And all the scars that I took on
so you would hold me in your arms.
Because love was just a game to win,
you left my eyes to cry again
the tears I cry for you.

But as I cry and think upon
all the times you did me wrong,
I gain a sort of inner strength,
take courage, prepare to go the length.
A realization comes to me;
finally I can truly see.
Not I - but you - were in the wrong
though you had blamed me all along.
I know I'm better than what you did
and now I know it's time to rid
the tears I cry for you.

            - jainedoe

Closed Windows

I've heard it said
that when it rains it pours;
but that when life closes a window,
it's to open up new doors.
And yet, in spite of what's ahead
I fear my heart's holding me back.
I do not wish to go through doors
when all I see is black.
The colors that I used to see
so vivid and so bright,
I now know are the cruelest lies
when brought into the light.
It seems the pieces of my heart
I gave away are all but lost.
Frozen behind closed windows
where the sunlight turned to frost.

                 - jainedoe