I love you and I’m so afraid
It’s like a darkness constantly creeping in
A haze, that gets thicker and thicker
Until all I can see is the worry
All that is there is the blind panic
That I’ll say something wrong and make you mad
That I’ll ask you if we’re okay one too many times
Till you’re annoyed and you’ve had enough
I’m terrified, that maybe they were right
Maybe my inner voice is right
I’m too difficult to love
I mess up too much
I’m too complicated
And needy
And overwhelming
And you’re going to finally feel it
And leave.
I’m afraid to ask for reassurance,
I don’t want to be annoying,
so I don’t.
And the fear grows.
But you see, it’s a cycle where
Neither choice has a positive outcome.
So round and round I go on this nightmare of a ride
But somewhere deep,
In the center of my guarded heart,
There’s this frightful sliver of hope that maybe you could
Potentially
Love me enough to never feel that way.
To never give up,
Or call it quits.
But I’m also petrified because -
I don’t know how to tell if you love me that much
I don’t even know if it’s possible to love me that much.
After all, I’m too hard to love.
